I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
