I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
