I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
