i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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