First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
