I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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