worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
