In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
