Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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