So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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