She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
