I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
