And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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