Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
