We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
