Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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