You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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