i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
