Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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