capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
