You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
