Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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