there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
