some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
