i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
