guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
