How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
