I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
