No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
