All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
