You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
