and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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