I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
operation have a gay friend backfired
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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