ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
