I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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