Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
