You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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