I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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