I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
