Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
