My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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