Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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