Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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