You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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