The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
honey bunches of taint.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
