i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
