Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
