Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
