I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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