you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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