I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
